Weekly Wisdom

Acceptance Over Expectation

25 July 2026 • 02:11 Am • Musafir Cafe– Sector 46, Gurugram, India

Some stories are meant to be incomplete. If they hadn't happened in our lives, we wouldn't become who we are today. Tonight, I witnessed something that perfectly reflected this realization:

Hindi (हिन्दी):

“कुछ लोग जिंदगी भर के लिए मिलते हैं,

और कुछ जिंदगी जीना सिखाने के लिए।”

English Translation:

“Some people enter our lives to stay forever,

while others enter to teach us how to live.”

I wrote this quote down while watching a show, but it’s really a reflection of my own journey. I’ve met people who taught me what life is—directly or indirectly, for better or worse. They’ve always given me a reason to move forward and find myself. A similar moment tonight reminded me of what I am doing right now: accepting myself in this world rather than expecting society to accept my reality.

This journey began with so many doubts back in 2018—doubts that were slowly becoming a noose around my neck. But I don't know if it’s a gift from God or something else, but ever since childhood, I always felt a positive belief deep within my core that I was capable of great things. That thought ran through my nerves, pushing me to keep going. So, when all hope felt shattered, my instincts pushed me once again to find a way out of the trap.

Coming from a small town in Uttarakhand (Khatima), where people live simple lives rooted in their culture and traditions, life around you is pretty uncomplicated and spice-free. But right there, in that quiet place, I felt something different brewing inside me. I was someone who wanted to challenge all the norms and odds of society—someone who wanted to choose herself over everyone else, without worrying whether society would accept her or not. Forget society, I wondered: would my own family be able to accept this harsh truth, or would I end up shattering all of their expectations?

At that time, I saw two paths ahead of me:

1. Become rebellious: Leave everyone behind and choose myself.

2. Stay silent: Live the way they wanted me to live—just like so many people in this world do, letting their emotions and true identity die to fulfill societal or family expectations.

Choosing between the two felt almost impossible. We were a happy family of four living in our own small world. Leaving them to choose myself felt deeply selfish. So I decided on a middle path: I would choose myself, but I would help them understand what I was going through—what I expected from myself, and more importantly, who I was becoming.

Before explaining the turmoil inside me to my family, I needed to answer three crucial questions for myself first:

1. What am I actually going through?

2. What can I do about it?

3. Who will I become, and how will I carry my life forward?

After all, at the end of the day, every parent just wants their child to be happy.

So, I began searching for answers all across the internet and reading other people's stories. I started researching without even knowing the exact words for what I was experiencing. After months of reading, I finally found the term: Gender Dysphoria.

I learned that in this condition, a person feels a deep mismatch with their assigned body at birth. In my case, I was born as a boy, but I was never comfortable in my own skin. My soul was that of a girl who wanted to live in a woman's body.

Understanding this turned my whole world upside down. As an 18-year-old teenager, all I wanted was to feel normal like everyone else. Desperate for help, I searched for a psychotherapist and found one in Haldwani, Uttarakhand. I went to him and shared my entire struggle—how I felt inside, how it kept me awake at night, and how hopeless I felt. I don't know what that doctor understood, but I still remember him prescribing four medicines: a blue tablet, two black capsules, and a round white pill, telling me, "You will be fine."

I took the medication, but nothing changed. If anything, my need to live in a body that matched my soul only grew stronger day by day.

By 2019, I was becoming increasingly isolated. I still remember lying on the sofa all day, alone at home. My mother was busy running her hotel business—a business she built through immense hard work and by sacrificing so much for us.

Being alone was something I was used to since childhood. When I was six, my mother started working, leaving at 9:00 AM and returning home around 10:00 or 11:00 PM. I always knew she was doing it all for our family, but as a child, I deeply missed the maternal warmth that other kids had. I remember asking her why our lives couldn't be like everyone else's. So, feeling different from society wasn't a new emotion for me when I discovered who I truly was.

Coming back to the doctor—his treatment failed, and I was left with the same unanswered questions: Why is this happening to me, and what can I do about it?

I decided to dig deeper and began reading the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, published by the American Psychiatric Association). It is the standard manual used by mental health professionals worldwide to diagnose conditions.

Reading it brought me clarity. The manual explicitly states that gender variance or non-conformity itself is not a mental disorder. The diagnosis specifically addresses the emotional distress resulting from the mismatch between the mind and the body.

Reading that changed everything for me. I realized I wasn't suffering from a mental illness—it was simply a mistake of nature that placed me in the wrong body. To heal emotionally and mentally, there were only two options left: either end my life, or transition completely from male to female—hormonally and physically—so my external reflection and hormones could finally align with my internal soul.

I Still remember May 2019 has been arrived, in last 1.5 year from a lost soul who don’t know what is happening to at least know what I am suffering from. Yet, I still had no one to confide in—no one with whom I could share the emotional turmoil eating away at me daily. While most 19-year-olds were focusing solely on their college studies, I was studying my own existence, unsure of what my future held.

After May 2019, the second phase of this journey was about to begin. I had no idea what lay ahead—it felt like stepping into a dark room without a single ray of light. Decisions had to be made, a path had to be found, and most importantly, I needed the courage to walk it.

I will share all of that in my next weekly blog…

If you read this and it touched your soul, feel free to drop me a message in the section below.

Or, if you are carrying something suffocating inside you—whatever it may be—know that you can always reach out to me for a heart2heart conversation.

Weekly Wisdom

Where I am Today

19 July 2026 • 15:34 Hrs • Tim Hortons – Golf Course Road, Gurugram, India

This is my first Wisdom Blog. It is dedicated to everyone who is feeling a little low in life right now, who doesn't know what to do, what the future holds, or which path they need to take. To those wondering: Will I be able to make it in life, or will I stay stuck in this current trap forever?

I was in that exact same place with the same questions, the same confusion, and the same doubts back in 2018. Back then, there was no hope, no understanding. All there was was confusion and uncertainty.

Sometimes, trying to understand someone else becomes easy in life. But when it comes to understanding our own self, we become harsh and build barriers and restrictions around us. I still remember the exact date: March 27, 2018. That was the first time I started feeling that something was amiss within myself. I felt an uncomfortableness within my body and felt like I didn't fit into the world around me.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. I wasn't able to find the right person to speak with, and I didn't even know what to speak or how to put my feelings into words to express the Muted Thunder of emotions to someone. This led to loneliness, emptiness, low self-esteem, and keeping myself away from the crowd. I even thought of ending this unwanted human life, or removing the burden of it from society.

Every day, I used to try to understand all those questions and tried to fit into the parameters of society. Hustling all day only to end the day with the exact same questions became my daily routine. I was at a stage of life where others were focusing on their careers, their hobbies, their interests, and building their futures. But I was hardly able to find a reason for living. A person can only focus on those external things when they are satisfied with themselves, in their body, or with their thoughts.

I hope all those who are reading this are able to understand what I am talking about and what I am expressing.

I had my whole life ahead of me, but I was without any path or hope. Yet, there were people around me who(My Family) had high expectations from me. My family had given me an immense amount of love, support, and care from the moment I was born. I was in a dilemma: How can I tell them that whatever expectations you have from me, I am shattering them all…

As an 18-year-old child who had just completed schooling, who hadn't even entered the real world yet, Is thinking of ending their life.

Ahh... I just shivered while writing all this. I am getting flashbacks right now.

And even still, I am amazed at how I managed from there. I am living a life which I always used to see only in my dreams. I feel surprised that I am finally that person whom I used to imagine in the mirror—the person I wanted to be.

No magic, no turning upside down has happened. It was just a day-by-day journey which I have lived. Most importantly, I never lost the hope and courage that I gathered after so many sleepless nights.

I will discuss all of that in my next blog—how I re-gathered my courage, how I found hope, and which path I followed that allowed me to become the person I am today.